Melanoma - a story

 

A month ago I was diagnosed with melanoma. When I went to get anointing of the sick, Father Rock asked me to suffer all for the Church. So I do. He looked me right in the eye, after my confession, and did this. It was very beautiful. So first, attitude check. How do I suffer well? I have a little book called, "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence." It was a long time since I read this book, so I read it again. If I could make a couple statements from this book to give you a feel for what it is about. There is a nun quoted in the book as saying, "Getting angry at what hurt you is like a dog barking at a rock that is thrown - and not the hand that threw the rock." Since God created all things, and every single thing in the universe lives moves and has it's being in him (yes a favorite scripture from when I was very very young), when something bad happens to you, accept it as a gift from God for your good. 

Attitude check complete after reading this, and other admonitions to trustfully surrender to the will of God in all things, I was ready for general combat. When I was taken in for the second excision, lots of flesh was taken out of me, I just couldn't help but realize a few things. First, when Jesus was crucified he was not given any numbing agents. So when I had a bunch of needles going into my flesh, Jesus had thorns that were only to cause him pain. While I had my husband with me and a kind doctor I trusted, as support, Jesus had only a surrounding of loud jeers angry mobs of hatefulness, public shaming. While his Mother Mary and St. John were there, they had to jostle to get close to him on the way to Calvary. 

When it was done, I had bled a little, and had a spot on my back that was forever changed - a literal hole in my flesh. I was sooooo thirsty. I bought 2 liters of electrolytes to help my thirst. What did Jesus have? A body covered in wounds from head to toe, and after losing so much blood - Jesus was given a gall covered sponge to wet His lips. 

It is just no comparison at all, Jesus really suffered, Jesus really really loved you and me more than we can really imagine. Even though these examples are just the physical - the heartfelt and spiritual sufferings were deeper, and more extreme. Because he was perfect, he perfectly felt. May I always be grateful and mindful of the sufferings which bought me at so great a cost. Jesus Mary I love thee: save souls!

Another reason I LOVE kids!

Baby Pebbles

It was November 2, 2014, Sunday, All Souls Day at 9am mass.

I am kneeling in the pew, and praying to the Holy Spirit to help me collect myself because I have had 3 hours sleep over the past couple of days and I am sketchy. After a few prayers, I sit back and relax and enjoy the peace and anticipation.

Behind me, and three people over, there is this beautiful looking baby. I will call her Pebbles, she is looking squee worthy with her cute little thingys in her hair, her huge eyes taking in the world, and she is baby talking loudly. She isn't crying, but wow, I am a smidge hard of hearing and there were a few times I cringed at the decibel! Soo, freakin, cute!

Then a little boy, I will name him Jax, who looks to be about 4 years old, sits down next to my hubby. After maybe a minute he says, "You sound just like my baby brother! He sounds like a dinosaur too." I try so hard not to laugh, I really really do. I do not even look their way because I know the squee worthy cuteness will overwhelm me.

I close my eyes, and sit peacefully while I hear, "Ow, I hate it when baby's bite my finger." I think to myself, "Is this a thing? Are babies rampaging throught the streets biting unwary fingers? Just how often does this happen?" Then Jax says, "That really hurt, but it's okay. You want to bite my finger again? You can bite it if you want to."

Way to have boundaries Jax! How about just keeping your digits away from the baby's mouth? I mean, it isn't like they are 300 lb wrestlers. In fact, they can do very little - unless you look directly in their eyes. Then just say goodbye to your common sense, you too will be saying, "Aww, you like to bite my finger? Okay, if it makes you happy." The power of The Baby!

The Best Passive Aggressive Note!

One day, a long time ago, in the state of Texas, our house received the world's best passive aggressive note. It was addressed to "Everyone". So today, I will share it with you, since honestly you were included. I did a dramatic reading of said passive aggressive note at the weekly "family" gathering, and somehow, created a legend. You see, where the note said, "I am not your slave." In my dramatic re-interpretation, the writer became: I am Nacho Slave.

It became popular, in our house, to address owned objects thusly: "Look, this is Nacho Pen!" or "Hey, this is Nacho Pillow." This term gives a personal, yet third person flair to any inanimate object that has been misappropriated. If only I had kids, I can imagine the possibilities. Nacho Diary, Nacho Socks, Nacho Shirts, and one can only hope, Nacho Peas. Because I would totally want them to eat their vegetables. What makes a vegetable more exciting than making it Nacho? That, even I cannot answer. I can only address this plea to Everyone: Make everything Nacho!

Things crazy people say

I know it has been awhile, but I absolutely needed to share this. So my Mother has problems with reality. Not the kind of problems most people have with it. She just lives in a different one than most of us. 

If you have a family member like this, let me just say: don't you wish they came with a manual? A special dictionary of what to say to those pesky problems they keep having? 

My Mom called me today, from what I can tell about other people this could be a good or bad thing. But for me, it is always an adventure when she calls. Here is what she is calling me about:

• Some invisible person named "William or possibly Chad" is sending her invisible messages.
• A person, who she believes to be dead, is sending her messsages from outer space straight to her TV, "apparently they can do that now." 
• Also, this "person" who is sending messages from space likes to turn her TV into a radio. Evidently, he had this superpower while he was alive as well. And he could do it from his phone. He did everything from his phone.
• She would like a heater, a coat, and an electric blanket because the temperatures are now around 75 degrees - she is freezing! (Finally, something I can actually do something about!)
• She is being treated like a prisoner here, and her circles keep getting smaller and smaller.

I know what you are thinking, because I am sure somewhere in here I have special mind powers ;)

You are thinking, what do you say when loved ones say things like this to you? They are obviously under duress about these horrible tortures they are daily living through. I came up with, "I am sorry to hear about that." Boring, I know.

Sure, I thought about saying, "Oh, let me send a cool message to your TV about how much I love you!" But somehow, I am certain this would backfire. I thought about the whole tinfoil hat thing, but let's face it - has that EVER worked? I am not sure tinfoil is up to keeping out invisible people and their invisible messages. 

How could it possibly backfire? I would probably get a call next week about how her whole little duplex house is covered with aluminum foil. It would end up being some sort of invisible evil mastermind plan to keep her from getting to her bank account, or "someone" was trying to prove she is crazy. 

Pshaw! Perish the thought! Friends just don't let friends use tinfoil if it won't work. That is wasteful, and would look downright awful.

I am most certainly open to suggestions that will help with this problem. If you have invisible people doing invisible things to you, what helps? What makes it worse? Also, if you believe your meds have been somehow turned into candy, because they obviously have been, how can you prove that they aren't candy? Also, how does she prove that she "isn't having blackouts" since the very definition of blackouts is you don't remember them at all?

Any help you can recommend would be great! Thank you invisible friends, for your invisible greetings of joy and happiness to my Mom. Please don't send invisible negative messages though, because I don't know how to delete negative invisible messages. Plus, it upsets her, who would freaking do that!

A story about forgiveness (6th grade level reality)

Me and the hubby teach 6th grade religion classes at our parish on Wednesday night at about 8pm to 9pm.

First of all I am not sure who thought that students of the 6th grade level could get up at 6 am, go to school, go home, do homework, eat, chores, and whatever else they have to do, and then get dropped off at church at 7 pm for a quiet mass and then an hour class - the logistics alone set up delirious insanity at every turn. Not to mention, it is 6th grade. Who ever had a great 6th grade? That is correct, no one - ever.

I have my own delusions as well, "Oh, the curriculum is on forgiveness - how sweet. Such a loving thing, and we get to do skits SO MUCH FUN!" So I am getting ready for class, about love, and God loves us so much he forgives us always when we ask etc. Then I turn the page and all of a sudden, the curriculum talks in depth about self-control. Huh, never really thought of forgiveness and self-control together. But then it has been a really long time since I was a kid as well.

In the skits, the kids were supposed to show an example of self-control. Reality: all the skits were about NOT having self-control and the violence that ensued was usually verbal or physical (violence ALWAYS ensued making me wonder if all wars start this way). It wasn't always about them either, parents.  They had people on cell phones ignoring the rest of the world and causing accidents and all the harm that such things caused. There were kids who gossiped about others and got what was coming to them. Etc. Honestly, I had no idea that a person exercises so much self control on an hourly, maybe even momentary basis! After the loss of self control from all parties, there was no forgiveness. Nope, they weren't really down for that. They were all on their last nerves from the out of control behavior of "others".

Then attempting to bring it down a notch, and learning that love can still happen and forgiveness is still an option after things have all fallen apart in such a bad way - was the best I could do after this.  All kids totally understood the confession/repentance that we have as a sacrament after that. So, I guess that is a positive thing.

While wrapping it up, we are all saying the Act of Contrition together (written in their notebooks) and while we are praying a lady walks in and evidently during the prayer (me and my hubby didn't see it since we were praying and reading) we have two boys fighting in the back of the class. Seriously? While we are praying the act of contrition in religion class, really??

I think about Genesis now in light of this class. God, "I made you in my image. I love you soo much. I will give you whatever you want, just leave that fruit tree alone." People, "I wonder what it tastes like. I double dog dare you! I accidentally ate it on purpose..." Then violence for everyone!

Happy New Year January 2014!

I look just like I did last year ;)

December was fun, I had 5 Christmas parties to go to. I know what you are thinking, I got fat for Christmas. Nope, just gained 1 pound out of the 20 pounds I lost this year thanks to MyFitnessPal and my Fitbit.

Written with bulldog tenacity

Silly song about me:

True story.