A month ago I was diagnosed with melanoma. When I went to get anointing of the sick, Father Rock asked me to suffer all for the Church. So I do. He looked me right in the eye, after my confession, and did this. It was very beautiful. So first, attitude check. How do I suffer well? I have a little book called, "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence." It was a long time since I read this book, so I read it again. If I could make a couple statements from this book to give you a feel for what it is about. There is a nun quoted in the book as saying, "Getting angry at what hurt you is like a dog barking at a rock that is thrown - and not the hand that threw the rock." Since God created all things, and every single thing in the universe lives moves and has it's being in him (yes a favorite scripture from when I was very very young), when something bad happens to you, accept it as a gift from God for your good.
Attitude check complete after reading this, and other admonitions to trustfully surrender to the will of God in all things, I was ready for general combat. When I was taken in for the second excision, lots of flesh was taken out of me, I just couldn't help but realize a few things. First, when Jesus was crucified he was not given any numbing agents. So when I had a bunch of needles going into my flesh, Jesus had thorns that were only to cause him pain. While I had my husband with me and a kind doctor I trusted, as support, Jesus had only a surrounding of loud jeers angry mobs of hatefulness, public shaming. While his Mother Mary and St. John were there, they had to jostle to get close to him on the way to Calvary.
When it was done, I had bled a little, and had a spot on my back that was forever changed - a literal hole in my flesh. I was sooooo thirsty. I bought 2 liters of electrolytes to help my thirst. What did Jesus have? A body covered in wounds from head to toe, and after losing so much blood - Jesus was given a gall covered sponge to wet His lips.
It is just no comparison at all, Jesus really suffered, Jesus really really loved you and me more than we can really imagine. Even though these examples are just the physical - the heartfelt and spiritual sufferings were deeper, and more extreme. Because he was perfect, he perfectly felt. May I always be grateful and mindful of the sufferings which bought me at so great a cost. Jesus Mary I love thee: save souls!
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